99% of people in this world have had a first crush sometime or the other. We all feel a lot of affection/attraction/infatuation call it whatever towards somebody whom we know and are drawn to them like a magnet. Well most crushes happen when we all step into our pre-teens. It’s a sign of hormones some say. I am not a doctor to confirm this.
Most girls have their first crush on ShahRukh Khan / Aamir Khan / Akshay Kumar depending on the choice of their movies. Some of them have it on their favorite
cricketers like Yuvraj / Dhoni / Irfan Pathan.
Most boys though are really insane in this. They probably know fantasies don’t work out most times. So they always think the practical stuff. The most likely candidates of their overt affections are their school teachers or some distant cousin who is very beautiful and comes over to stay for a month or so. It could also be some neighbor who is really hot.
It’s a beautiful feeling that we have at a point of time and think most things are possible in this world. Some of us like me, even go to the extent of confessing it. And then when many years have passed we sit back and remember it and have a hearty laugh to think how silly it was… Was it silly?
I have had my share of it as well and that’s why all of this was discussed. I ll tell the story of my first and only crush. It’s only been love ever since. :-)
I had just changed schools and was now going to one in Mulund, a Mumbai suburb. I was in my 5th standard. I was apprehensive about everything as most newbees are in a new school and was just figuring out things for myself. I met a few new comers like myself and started discovering my new school with them. On the first day we had some Khadus (read irritable) looking teacher who conducted our first lecture and God …I didn't not like her. A week went by and I came to terms with the new school and friends and was now settled, but I always prayed for Khadus to go away. And boy, does god listen to kids’ prayers.
Twist in the tale.
By the end of the first week Khadus suffered some fracture and she had to take a leave from school. So we were to have a new class teacher.
The story begins now.
On a cloudy Monday afternoon, just as the school prayers were being recited, a very tall female with an imposing presence walked in through the door. She must have been about 5’ 10’’ (possibly more). She was slim and had long hair, which she had neatly plaited. She was wearing a maroon colored Salwar Kameez with a matching duppatta. I really couldn’t get a first glance at her, as I was little too religiously praying. The prayers were completed and we were all seated. And when she turned for the first time to face us, was when I felt that a bolt of electricity hit me. Easily the most beautiful female that I had ever seen in my entire life (I was 10 years old then!!!) was standing in front of us.
“Good Afternoon children. My name is Anita John. You can call me Miss John.” She said in a sweet voice and a billion dollar smile. “I am your new class teacher and will be teaching you English, History, Geography and Science.” I was barely listening to her as I was all the more engrossed in watching her. After sometime she came near to my desk and asked me,
“Can u tell me what all have you covered in the last week?” Frankly speaking I hadn’t heard what Miss John had asked me, but was helped by the ever exuberant Shweta who happily chirped out all that we had covered.
“Ashok, why didn’t you answer when Miss John asked you something?” Shweta asked.
“Did you give me a chance to?” I shot back.
“Huh, you don’t even know what all she is going to teach us. Do u really?”
“Yes, I do. English and History.” I said coz that’s all that I had heard.
“Stupid, she is also going to teach us Science and Geography.”
“Wow, can’t she teach us Math, Hindi and Marathi also? So we don’t have to bother about any other teacher at all.” I asked wishfully thinking.
“Eh?” Shweta had a puzzled look on her face.
“Never mind” I said.
These girls always want to show that they are more intelligent and smarter than the boys. I agree to it, but why do they have to show it?
Days passed and we were now into the business end of things. Unit Tests the usual headaches were fast approaching and Miss John was busy completing the portions and teaching us. Miss John was so beautiful, that I always felt that I was in love with her.
I always had a reason to go up to Miss John to ask for something. Even, if I understood something, I would go back to her and ask the same things over and over again. Sometimes, pretending to carry the homework notebooks for her, I would try and remain by her side. I would always volunteer for anything and everything she asked for, right from bringing a chalk from the staff room to help her organize things in our class like putting up posters of freedom fighters, great scientists and all such people. I was so very in love with her that I sometimes didn’t mind missing the school bus, just because I’d get another 15 minutes to be around her. I just wanted to be around her all the time, because I thought that’s what people who are in love do. Just be around each other. My medium of transport to school was the school bus, but how I wished that the bus could go through the place where Miss John lived. Strange are the ways of love, as they say. Nobody knows how or why we act in a particular way when we like someone.
Probably as was expected, Miss John’s favorite student was me. She would most times, tell a job to me, and Mithilesh and Amit and Raja would sulk at this. Because from trusted sources I had come to know that even they liked Miss John. And I hated these guys. And these crushes are so silly, that u cannot even bare the sight of your crush talking to somebody else. Each time Miss John spoke to anyone of these guys, I would have a big bout of jealously come over me and trust me I haven’t had food on those days. I hated those days. I never missed school for a day in my entire 5th standard. Miss John was the primary reason for all this. I just didn’t figure out how or what I could do anything without her being around.
Unit Tests happened and then Miss John announced the day for an Open House.
Open House is where the parents come to see the answer papers of their wards and can see for themselves how the kids have fared. I went to the Open House with my mom. I was always only an average student and so my marks weren’t going to be any spectacular. As usual, my mom cribbed about the silly mistakes I had made while I was more interested in listening to Miss John talk to someone’s parents.
Sujitha was the class topper and her parents were sitting in the row just ahead of us. And she repeatedly was peeping into my papers, irritating me to no end. I hated such girls. Why couldn’t they mind their own businesses and be happy? Then my mom, started to show me how Sujitha’s paper was so neat and clean and how mine was so bad and how I should write a paper and all.
“Ashok, look at her paper. See her handwriting. She how she has neatly drawn lines to separate the answers. See don’t lose out on such points. You should also do it the next time.”
“Yes aama.” I said thinking, about the ways in which Sujitha could vanish so that, the entire fuss would be resolved.
Miss John thankfully interrupted this torturous session from my mom and Sujitha saying,
“Mrs. Chandrashekar, Ashok has done reasonable well. But I know he can do a lot better. Can u please ask him to put a little more effort into it because I really feel he can do better than this? He is standing 7th now. Though I must say, he is very helpful and does most things voluntarily and is always the livewire in the class. He makes the class laugh and is somebody whom, all us love in the staff room.”
Love .. this word struck such a chord in my heart that I now believed that Miss John truly loved me. Had my mom not brought me back to my senses by pulling me out from the school building, I would have there and then confessed my love to Miss John.
Time passed. And my love grew deeper. Teacher’s Day came. I was the first one to give Miss John a red rose. And that day Miss John looked extra special. She was wearing a pink-white combination and was looking stunning as usual. That day she also had jasmine flowers in her hair. She got 60 roses that day, one from each kid and mine was the only one that was red. So it stood out. I was overjoyed. I did a whole lot of gimmicks to make the class laugh, but they were all for Miss John. I mimicked the style of our Math teacher so well that Miss John gave me a chocolate for it. I was damn happy on my ever growing love for her.
Semester exams happened and same old story with the Open House. Same old marks and same old Sujitha seated in front of me. I had stood 8th or 9th.
“Ashok, see her paper……” and I stopped paying attention to it.
Miss John came to my desk. “Ashok, you have to get a little serious now. You can’t ignore your studies. Please put in a little more effort now. Half the year is gone now. And you have another half to do better. I really want you to concentrate more this time. Do you promise that?”
“I do.” I said only wishing this scene was in some church where the “I do” is more relevant.
“Not like that. Promise me.” She said taking my hand into hers.
“I promise Miss John.” I said, wishing she never let go of my hand.
She smiled back, but it wasn’t the same smile that she always had. It was a little more pensive.
My mom was pacified and I don’t know how she was assured that I ll do well after this. Maaon ke toh dil hi kuch aise hote hain.
The 2nd semester was no different. In fact, the winter is the most beautiful season of all. Sports are a big reason that the 2nd semester is more popular amongst all kids. We also had the same. But these were the lamest of sports that I had ever seen. I mean, for god sakes, sac races and Potato picking races. I hated them but had to participate because it was compulsory. And I know something, if I am not interested in something; I ensure that I screw up the entire thing. So, I really did very bad in them and wasn’t anywhere near the medals. Amit, Raja and Mithilesh made the most of these breaks to make their cases. I by now had come to grips with it. It made no difference to me.
Every now and then, we would have a speech day for an occasion like the Tilak Jayanti or the Mahatma Gandhi Jayanti. And we were required to speak for about 5 minutes in front of the students. I would always be the first for such speeches and would try my level best to impress Miss John. I participated in all such speech days only to see Miss John wait in anticipation of hearing my name in the winners list. At the end of the day, our Principal would announce the winner over the PA system. I never won a prize, not even a consolation prize but would always participate just to see that anticipation on Miss John’s face. That was my prize I thought.
“Ashok, you better get your act together now. Someone else’s Jayanti might come soon. The next time I don’t want you to lose.” Miss John would say chiding me and handing me half of her 5-star chocolate bar.
“I ll do my best Miss John. You bet, I ll win it the next time.” I’d say.
But honestly I never wanted to win the speech day competition as much as I wanted this conversation to happen each time. I wanted only the half 5-star that she was eating. I longed for no more.
All the extra curricular activities were done and dusted and nothing else was left. Now only the boring part of a school year was left… studies and more studies.
The 2nd unit tests happened. I clearly remember the day. I had a very high fever. And we had the History exam. My mom took me to school and waited all the way through my exam to take me back home. And the next day was even worse. The fever rose and I was barely able to open my eyes. But exams are exams. And Mom again took me to school. I wasn’t even able to sit through the paper, and was given permission to go home as soon as I finished the paper. So I wrote all that I could recollect and was sitting alone waiting for mom to turn up.
Miss John came. She saw me shivering with fever. She immediately called Vimalben (the school maid) to monitor the class. And then she took me to staff room.
“Ashu, open your eyes. How are you feeling?” Miss John asked.
“I am fine Miss John.” I said.
“Let’s go to a doctor.” She said.
“No Miss John. I already went to one, near my home. She has given me tablets. I am taking them.”
“Fine. When will your mom come?”
“Don’t know Miss John, she should have been here by now.”
“Don’t worry, I am here till she comes.” She said, sitting besides me.
She sat besides me all the time till my mom came and took me back home. I can never forget that day. If she wanted, she easily could have asked Vimalben to take care of me, but she didn’t do that. She was there for me.
Open House day again. I rose up 3 ranks to be 5th for the first time. How? It’s still a mystery to me.
My mom was very happy, but she showed only some signs of happiness. Mothers are always like this, they don’t want to look overjoyed when the kid has done well, just in case the kid gets the wrong signal and slips up again.
“Hello Mrs. Chandrashekar. Good to see you again. Ashok has done excellently this time. He is up to the 5th. If only he wasn’t ill maybe he could have done better.”
“Yes, Miss John. I hope he continues it in the finals as well. When are they scheduled?” mom asked.
‘Is that all that matters to you mom, exams and exams and more exams?’ I said to myself.
“March 23rd onwards” Miss John replied back.
Man, March 23rd it’s only 6 weeks away. What after that?
I was already sad with the confirmation of my Appa(Dad) being transferred to another city. I didn’t want another change of school. I didn’t want another change of environment. I wasn’t ready to leave Mumbai for any other city in this world. Most of all I didn’t want to lose sight of Miss John.
I made up my mind that I’d tell her the fact. How long could I keep it to myself?
Its stupid that boy’s imagine that things will settle down and I at some point of time really believed that if Miss John was convinced that I loved her a lot, she would somehow convince my Appa to not leave Mumbai or so.
I became silent. I went into a shell. I lost my appetite and wasn't interested in anything. I missed out on Aamir Khan’s JJWS. Something was visibly not right.
The final exams drew closer and finding me, not my usual self,Miss John one day asked me about it.
“What’s the matter Ashok?”
“Nothing.” I nodded.
“Ashok, look up. Hey, come on tell me. We are good friends right? ”
“My Appa has been transferred to another city.”
“So what? It’s good for you. You’ll make new friends. You’ll have newer experiences. Ashok, aren’t you interested in going there and doing all these things?”
“No.” I almost shouted.
“Tell me. What’s wrong? See things change and that’s how it is. I am sure you ll like your new school and you ll again be the most loved guy in the entire class.” She said, almost consoling me.
“But.” I stopped.
“What?”
“I won’t get to see you anymore.”
“So what? Maybe you ll get a better teacher. And a good looking one too.” She smiled.
“But Miss John, I love you.” I almost was shivering as I said these words.
“What? What did you just say?”
“Yes Miss John. I love you. From the first day I saw you.”
“Ashu, that’s not love. You are attracted to me.”
“I love you Miss John. I really do.” I argued.
“Ashu, it’s not love. It happens with most boys of your age. All of us go through this. I love you too, but not in the way you are thinking. Ok. Do you remember the Teachers day? What was different that day?”
“You were wearing jasmine flowers that day.” I answered back.
“Right. I knew you would remember for sure. That was the day, when marriage was fixed. I am to get married after school closes for the summer holidays.”
“But..” I was in tears.
She spoke with so much assurance that I forgot what I felt for her and just wanted to savor that moment.
“Ashu, don’t let these things affect you at all. I know you won’t because from what I have known for the last year, for you the final destination is not what matters, but only the journey. You will always be someone who will only give happiness to someone. You are a real sweet kid and anybody who will know you, just can’t stop falling in love with you. Always remain the same.” She said, holding my hand.
Her fiancé had come to pick her up from school. Miss John introduced me to him. His name was Vivian. He said, Miss John always spoke of me and he felt jealous about it. I laughed and bid goodbye to Miss John and Vivian.
A part of me was sad because I really thought that Miss John was someone who was very special to me, but then I was happy for her and I hoped that Vivian would keep her happy. Final exams happened. I stood 5th again and that was the last time in the Open House I saw Miss John. She again gave me a 5-star, this time a full bar and said good bye to me.
Although I knew that this was the last time I was seeing her, I controlled myself. Boys are not supposed to cry. And so, I shook hands with Miss John for the last time and turned around to wipe off a lonely silent tear.
There ended my first and only cru(a)sh story.
